


All the things I want to tell you

by Catching_sunrays



Category: SKAM (Italy)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Nicotino - Freeform, No explicit smut, a caring boyfriend, but a bit of it, talking to sleeping Marti, weeks after the fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 08:16:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18587335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catching_sunrays/pseuds/Catching_sunrays
Summary: Marti was still taken aback by the events of the last few weeks. Nico tried to help him, but didn't want to be a further burden for him. But he needed to talk to him. He took the opportunity when Marti seemed to have fallen asleep in hus arms and talked his thoughts off his chest.And perhaps in the end there was still a way for him to help Marti...





	All the things I want to tell you

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the tumblr prompt "When you lay there and you're sleeping | I tell you things you've never heard before" and the wish was all fluff with a happy ending. 
> 
> And I really wanted to stick to it, but in the end, I got lost in my thoughts and it turned out a little bit different than I expected.

It has been long weeks. Long weeks with hiding and finding their way back to each other. Nico tried to be there for his boyfriend, tried to give him all the love he was feeling in his heart. But it hasn't been easy. As soon as they stepped out of the safety of their homes, Marti distanced himself from Nico. 

They always tried to ignore the glances at them, when they showed a little more affection for each other and with that Nico thought about small, normal things like holding hands in public or giving his boyfriend a little peck on the cheeks as a greeting, but since the fight Marti was insecure, anxious about any person looking at them. It broke Nico's heart seeing his boyfriend like this, not able to help him. It was as his words not really came through to him. And even at home, in their safe-zone Marti distanced himself. They cuddled and kissed, but nothing too passionate. Every time Nico tried to be intimate, Marti found an excuse to interrupt his attempts. He never complained, but he knew he needed to talk about it. It wasn't that Nico was just a horny teenager, but he was worrying about Marti.

Right now they were watching a movie at Marti's place. It was a Saturday evening and Nico was allowed to stay over. He was looking forward to spent the night with Marti, holding him as they fall asleep and wake up next to him the next morning. Of course he was hoping for a little bit more than just kissing, but he won't push his boyfriend. They had every time in the world to find back to each other. 

Marti had himself curled up at his side and Nico was holding him in his arms. As usual he was playing with his hair. It has grown out a little bit and Nico loved running his fingers through this full and soft hair, sometimes closing his eyes, just focusing upon the tickling feeling.

Nico heard Marti's constant breathing, felt his body becoming limp and heavy in his arms. His boyfriend must fell asleep. He placed a soft kiss on top of Marti's head. He wasn't tired at all. Haven't been for the last weeks, always ready if Marti needed him. He was resting his head lightly on his boyfriend's head and watched the movie. 

After it finished he stayed like this. He didn't want to change his position, afraid it might wake up the sleeping boy in his arms. But instead of playing another movie he decided to talk to him. There was so much going on in his head, he needed to talk about. He doesn't want to bother Marti right now, so he thought this might be a good place to start, to let his thoughts out of the cage of his own mind.

“Hey you, I hope you know, you're safe with me. I saw you shutting off the last weeks and it broke my heart. You are my sunshine, the light of my life...God, that sounds so cheesy, but I love being cheesy with you. You are bringing out the best of me. You made me understand what love, what trust is. I know we can't be like other couples out in public and that makes me sad sometimes. I wish we could just hold hands when we are out for a walk or kiss when we want to. And damn, I always want to kiss you,” while he was speaking to Marti his hands were wandering over his sleeping boyfriend's arm, gently sliding up and down, “I want to dance with you when we're partying with our friends. This is so fucking unfair. But you know right now, I just want to be able to touch you and it feels like you're shutting me out, with every step I take towards you, you find another excuse to not let me near you. And I understand that, but it hurts me. I love you so much Marti and I won't push you, but I hope you allow me to be near you again,” he bend down a little to kiss the top of the red messy hair, what was tingling his neck, “And I hope we can go on a vacation together during the summer. I've dreamt about this for a while now. I see us two standing in front of St. Paul's Cathedral in London or lying in a tent in the wilderness of Norway, just the two of us and only the stars over us as our witnesses. I want to explore the world with you. I want to amble with you along the channels of Amsterdam, holding your hand, not thinking about homophobes throwing shit at us” he paused for a moment, tried to shake off the thoughts about all the hate they had faced until now, gulped back his tears and continued his speech. It felt so relieving to be able to tell Marti everything what was on his mind. 

“I can't wait until the apartment is finally ready to move in. I never asked you, because I thought it would be too early, but I wish you could move in with me. You and me together, building our own safe place, where nobody can hurt us. Sometimes I lay down on my bed and daydream about it and it makes me so happy. You make me so happy. And I know I scare you sometimes. I am sorry for that, you know that. But I need to tell you, you are always there with me. Even on my lowest point everything I could think of was you. We never really talk about Milan and I get why, but I want to talk about it. I want you to understand that there wasn't a moment I was not thinking about you. Until you, when I got a really bad episode, there was only me. I was the last man on earth, left alone on this stupid planet. But since I met you I wasn't alone anymore. And thinking about spending the rest of my life with you doesn't scare me at all. I want to live with you, grow old with you, maybe have kids together, who knows. As long as you are by my side, I am not afraid of the future.” As he finished he noticed the tears on his cheeks. He was so full of love for this boy in his arms, sometimes he wonders how it was possible to feel so much love for one person without suffocating from it. 

Martino was holding his eyes closed as Nico spoke. He woke up a while ago, but felt so safe in his arms, not wanting to leave his spot and so he stayed silent. But now he needed to say something. Something he wanted to tell Nico for so long, but wasn't able to. Not just because Nico never asked, but he didn't want to scare him away, bringing this topic on the table.  
“Then lets start with living together, because I really would love to live with you,” he whispered and looked up, a big smile on his lips. “How long have you been listening?” Nico was caught off guard, his green eyes staring a little bit scared at the younger one. 

“I heard everything. Every word, every thought. Why didn't you talk to me before?” there was no anger in his voice, just honest worry and sadness, because he made Nico shut off, made him hide away his feelings.  
“I didn't want you to suffer more than you already did. I didn't want to push you into something you didn't want to do. I thought it might be counterproductive to speak about vacation or living together after what you had experienced or about the fact, how I feel when you cut me off, when you didn't want any intimacy.” Nico was avoiding looking him in the eyes. “I feel like a fool. I know sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, but things were different before the incident and I miss you, I miss feeling you close to me, I miss you feeling safe with me,” he sighed.

Marti knew what Nico was talking about. He wanted to be close to him too, but there was something holding him back. He reached out, cupping Nico's face with his hands, carefully as if he was holding his whole world in them. “Nico, my love, I want to be near you, I want it so bad, but...I don't know what it is...it is like there is a voice in my head...his voice, telling me this is wrong, disgusting...” he was trembling and Nico put his arms around him, holding him tight to his chest. “I want you so bad...” Marti's voice nothing but a whisper.  
“What can I do? How can I help you?” Nico mumbled into his hair. 

“Stop this voice in my head, make me feel safe again,” Marti responded with a pleading voice and a shiver run down Nico's spine. Nico slid next to Marti, caressing his face with his fingers, tracing down the soft outlines of his cheekbones and tilting up his face so he could meet his lips with a tender kiss. “Does this feels wrong?” Marti could only shook his head in respond, closing his eyes again as soon as Nico's hand slowly moved from his face to his neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. He could feel Nico carefully parting his lips, waiting for Marti to make the decision, how this should go on and Marti answered with his tongue sliding into Nico's mouth, meeting his tongue, nudging against it. 

Nico broke away “Does this feels wrong?”  
“No,” Marti answered out of breath and with rosy cheeks. As they turned into another kiss, Nico's hand, until than just focused on Marti's face and hair, moved downwards and Marti could feel it burning all the way down along his shoulder and his side until it settled at the end of his t-shirt. A feeling he had missed so bad and yet it was different this time. He wasn't able to respond to the touches as he was used to. Nico slowly got under the light fabric and Marti could feel soft fingers exploring every inch of his stomach, carefully brushing over his chest and along the side, leaving a pleasant tingle. 

Nico pushed himself up and rolled Marti on his back, pressing their bodies together again, still separated by their clothes. Nico's hands again up on Marti's face, his own face just centimeters away. Their eyes locked and Marti could see so much love and adoration in them, it washed away a fraction of the guilt, of the insecurity. 

Nico leaned down, meeting Marti's lips with a soft kiss before he set up to kneel over Marti. Carefully and ready to stop at any moment he got his hands back under the t-shirt, starting to push it up and he whispered “Does this feels wrong?” and Marti replied with lifting himself up to help Nico take off the shirt, “No,” more a breath than actual voice. After the shirt had gone, Nico sat up, tracing down a line between all the freckles on Marti's chest with his fingers up to his shoulder and carefully, as if he didn't want to miss a single line, he outlined his tattoo. Marti didn't stop him so he leaned down and followed the way back with his tongue. Slowly starting at his shoulder, wandering down his chest, pausing at his nipples. He glanced up and Marti, who was not able to make a sound, only nodded, assuring him, that this was what he wanted – what he needed. With every touch of Nico's fingers on his body, with every little kiss he was loosing more and more of his fear, of his memories of that fateful fight. Nico was letting his tongue gliding around his right nipple, playing with it, soft and without any rush before he got a little bit more courageous and bit in it. Marti couldn't repress it any longer and a silent moan left his mouth “Ni...”. 

“Does this feels wrong?” Nico smirked up at Marti who was finally able to move. He grabbed his neck and pulled Nico in a hot kiss, not thinking about anybody else than the boy on top of him, pressing their bodies together. It was only them, the last men on earth. Nothing else mattered anymore. And he needed to feel more of Nico so he let his hands slid under the shirt he was still wearing. “Take it off,” he commanded and Nico sat up, smiling as he took it off over his head. Again he let his fingers sliding over Marti's chest, but this time Marti's hands were on him too.

Nico's hands wandered down to the soft skin right over the waistband of Marti's jeans and Marti could feel his skin reacting to this touch with a long missed and pleasing shudder. 

“Kiss me again,” Marti begged with a breathy voice, a wish Nico was only too happy to fulfill. Lying down on top of him again Marti could feel Nico's skin on his own and he pressed himself up, pulling Nico down with his hands against his body to cover every free spot with his warmth. The kiss was messy and hot and open and it was difficult to breathe, but Marti didn't mind. Soon Nico's lips found their way back to the precious spot under Marti's ear. He loved kissing, licking and sucking his boyfriend's neck, the soft skin under his lips, the way he could feel Marti's pulse at his lips and tongue. “Does this feels wrong?” Nico asked with hoarse voice next to Marti's ear, gently biting his way up to Marti's helix and letting his tongue play with it. “Hmmm...no,” Marti's voice was deeper than usual, transporting his arousal with it.  
“Good,” Nico replied and made his way back down, leaving kisses on Marti's collarbone, the soft skin next to his armpit, along the sensitive side of Marti's chest, all the way down to his pelvis.  
Carefully, he started unzipping Marti's pants. 

Marti looked at him with big eyes, putting one hand on his to halt the movement.

Their eyes met and Nico let go of the pants and laid a hand on his cheek. They looked at each other for a long time before Nico spoke again. "You are so beautiful and sexy and so fragile. If you feel safer then we can just lie here, cuddle and look into each others eyes."  
A smile appeared on Marti's lips, "I'm just so overwhelmed by everything. Nowhere do I feel as safe as in your arms and I want you Ni, more than anything else. I didn't realize how much I missed that, how much I missed feeling you so close, not just in the physical way,” he smiled and lifted his head up to catch Nico's lips in a soft and tender kiss, while his hands went down to complete what Nico had begun. 

He took Nico's hand in his, leading her down to rest on his crotch so Nico could feel his erection.  
“This doesn't feel wrong,” he whispered in Nico's ear and with a smile he added ”this feels right in every damn way.”

They loved each other the whole night, only interrupted to gather strength and whisper to each other tender confirmations of their love.  
In the end, they lay on the bed wrapped around the other, holding each other as close as possible.

“You really want to live with me?” Nico asked insecurely.  
“Of course I want to! I thought about it since you mentioned your parents were allowing you to live on your own. Oh well, to be honest, I thought about living with you before that. I have built up our complete home in my mind. What our living room would look like and our bedroom. I have a picture of it in my head down to the smallest detail. But in the end all of this doesn't matter. Our home is going to be wonderful, because it will be ours and you are there with me. That is all what matters to me.” 

Nico was happy and overwhelmed as so often thinking about how lucky he was with a partner like Marti on his side to spent the rest of their lives together. 

“Than lets do this,” he said. “Lets do this,” Marti smiled back at Nico, leaning over to seal this promise with a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ♥
> 
> If you like to talk to me or send me another prompt from [this list](https://wanderlust-in-my-soul.tumblr.com/post/184160397893/prompt-list) you can find me [here](https://wanderlust-in-my-soul.tumblr.com/).


End file.
